Thursday 18 July 2013

Summer

What is this? A blog entry? I know it's crazy. I'm partly writing this because maaan, I'm supposed to aspire to be a writer but I've barely written anything all year besides private diary entries - which may I point out, are not for the public eye, they're just my majorly over-dramaticised emotions. I mean, I have some excuses. It has been the year of all of my exams, and now I have this extra long summer, I've been trying to do as many active things as possible. However, my excuses run out quickly, because I have had plenty of free time at home as well. So how have I spent this time? Procrastinating on the internet, watching merlin, listening to music, moping, thinking. Not much else comes to mind. So as you can see, it seems that I have been neglecting two of my great pleasures in life; reading and writing. I don't really know how this has happened, seeing as the amount of books that I want to read is ridiculous, and also because I have this idealistic hope for myself in the future, that I will publish a book at an unusually young age. This is never going to happen if I don't pick up my pen and paper. Maybe it's a mixture of not being bothered or lack of creative idea's, but I think laziness is the key thing here. Now I've started writing this, even though it's nothing, I have lots I could say. But why has it taken me 6 months to submit anything? I've been lazy and dismissive. But now this will change! (I hope). So, onto my summer so far.

I've enjoyed myself, but it's been nothing like how I imagined. When daydreaming about the summer whilst tapping my pen against the desk during exams, I imagined crazy parties every night, going to the beach constantly, seeing everybody all the time, learning loads of new skills etc. I imagined the best summer of my life. But to put it bluntly, I am still only 16, it is limited what I can do with my free time. Instead of what I imagined, I've been often staying at peoples houses with 7 or so people, what we call 'social gatherings', been to the beach quite a few times, listened to a lot of music, and gotten myself a job. A job! Exactly what I hoped for. Although I am glad and extremely grateful to get the money, this does limit my freedom slightly. When you work in a cinema and finish at 11pm, you tend to miss out on things. The social gatherings have varied in fun-ness. Some have been great, others not quite so much. One thing that's been relatively consistent is the people I've hung out with. I've spent most of my time without about 7 people in particular. I love them, and have met with people I don't know quite so well which is great, but I thought I'd be some kind of social butterfly. Something else that's been different has been my relationship status.

I'd never had a boyfriend in my life, but since February, I'd been involved with this guy. We had definite ups and downs, we kept starting and stopping, flourishing and failing. I never thought I would have a boyfriend during the summer I left school. It just sounded impossible. But in May we started an official relationship and the impossible happened. Despite us getting along colossally well and him introducing me to so much of my favourite music it's crazy, once we actually began a relationship, issues kept arising. Neither of us seemed happy, ultimately, for different reasons that I won't care to explain on here. We broke up on Monday 15th July. So not only did I manage to experience my first relationship this summer, I managed to experience my first break up too. Luckily though, it was by no means a disaster. We agreed to stay close friends and I've seen him since. But my point is, that although I haven't even been to one party yet (so much for all of my daydreams), summer has still been eventful for me, and it's barely begun.

I have a 3 week family holiday coming up. I don't know whether to be excited. I am in a way, but I'm missing two festivals that I really wanted to go with. However, it'll be an escape, and nice to spend time with my family again. I just hope they don't irritate me too much like they have been recently. I think I've just been moodier than usual, it's led to me getting frustrated at the tiniest things. But I love them really, so I'm sure it'll be nice. Then of course I have results day, college coming up.....and I'm sure I'll eventually go to a party or two. Wish me luck.